So...this is me, my last portrait of 2009. I just got finish taking a shower and washing away the year. If you know me...you know that I love...and I mean love my showers. I could literally spend all day in the shower. I love them for several reasons...one they are calming, two they make you clean, but most importantly....everything that is said, felt, thought in the shower...is washed down the drain. This year has been quite a ride. So, a lot was just washed down the drain. I spent yesterday out and about saying goodbye to a lot of things. I did not mean to spend the whole day away from home...I only went to run a few errands. However, when those errands were through...I just could not drive home. I didn't want to go back home. So, I drove and drove. I ended up north of Atlanta. I stopped at a few shops that I've always wanted to go into...got coffee...walked around town. I spent hours walking and riding around. I realized as I was doing this I was remembering and reminiscing about different memories that I had of places that I was passing. The mansion that I pulled into so that a friend could run up to the porch to take a picture on it because it was such a gorgeous and beautifully decorated porch. The cafe where I met someone special for the first time. The park where a pile of my friends piled up in a huge pile on top of each other (we were all in our 20s...strange thing to witness a bunch of adults doing). The sidewalk that I laid down on the ground to get a shot of a building that I wanted to include in a calendar that I was making for a friend of mine. The starbucks where I took graduation pictures in the lawn by their drive thru. 
The parking garage where my car was locked in for the night and I had a homeless man help me find the security guard to let me get it. The place I was pulled over by a cop. Where my friend sat by a statue of a black man and pretended to talk to him while I took a picture. The street that my dad and I had parked one day for a concert....only for it to be pouring on our way back...we were soaked...completely. The mall that my friend and I ran into right before it closed after getting lost to buy this shower curtain that I had to have. Memory after memory....it was like I was watching little scenes from my life being replayed for me as I was going through town. At the end of the day....I was thinking of how the day was such a great day. I realized that I was going through a process of saying goodbye. So much of my life has changed...and I have been in a planning process of changing my whole life around. Part of being able to do that will be for me to have the ability to let go and disconnect from much of what I have already known. I don't know what lies ahead of me in 2010 or after...but what I do know...it will be drastically different. I have already made so many changes and disconnects in my life....to the point where my friends are aghast at some of the things I have said, ways I have acted...and such. However, I can no longer live my life the way that is expected. I can no longer think and act a certain way to just be allowed to "fit" into a group. All of that is so trivial and ridiculous. Like I said, I don't know what 2010 has for me....and I don't really make resolutions...because, hey, we all know resolutions are not kept. But, here are some of the small steps that I will be taking starting tomorrow:
The parking garage where my car was locked in for the night and I had a homeless man help me find the security guard to let me get it. The place I was pulled over by a cop. Where my friend sat by a statue of a black man and pretended to talk to him while I took a picture. The street that my dad and I had parked one day for a concert....only for it to be pouring on our way back...we were soaked...completely. The mall that my friend and I ran into right before it closed after getting lost to buy this shower curtain that I had to have. Memory after memory....it was like I was watching little scenes from my life being replayed for me as I was going through town. At the end of the day....I was thinking of how the day was such a great day. I realized that I was going through a process of saying goodbye. So much of my life has changed...and I have been in a planning process of changing my whole life around. Part of being able to do that will be for me to have the ability to let go and disconnect from much of what I have already known. I don't know what lies ahead of me in 2010 or after...but what I do know...it will be drastically different. I have already made so many changes and disconnects in my life....to the point where my friends are aghast at some of the things I have said, ways I have acted...and such. However, I can no longer live my life the way that is expected. I can no longer think and act a certain way to just be allowed to "fit" into a group. All of that is so trivial and ridiculous. Like I said, I don't know what 2010 has for me....and I don't really make resolutions...because, hey, we all know resolutions are not kept. But, here are some of the small steps that I will be taking starting tomorrow: 1. I want to be less contected to social media. I am tired of it consuming so much of my time...there is no real connection to anyone through those outlets.
2. Find new friends that actually know how to have grand conversations about real topics that matter. Friends that want to invest quality face time with you.
3. Work on my relationship with God. I know he is a part of my every day... I want to make him a part of my every moment.
4. Find a church...a church that is connected with the community and the world around it. A church that wants to be a part of the bigger picture and working together to show people love and compassion.
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