Recently I had a friend make a statement to me that threw up a warning flag. I have only known this friend for a little longer than a month in person. Yes, we met online first.
As we were walking down a sidewalk shopping one night my friend stated that he had never become this close to someone so fast. Then he quickly recanted his statement and said he was joking. I don't know if he was serious about his statement, and then felt embarrassed and recanted, or if he was really joking around. Either or doesn't really matter. The flag was still thrown.
Throughout my life I have always became friends with people fast. I take people as they come and accept whatever they give me. The only close long lasting relationship is a childhood friend of mine. However, that has broken apart since our college days and now we catch up every blue moon or so. Other than this childhood friend...this is how the story goes.
I meet someone, or with an acquaintance that I already knew, and become close fast. I fully give myself to the friendship and I am an open book. I allow this person to know me completely with barely any boundaries or barriers up. We become close...and then the friendship stops cold. They stop talking to me. They stop calling. I feel abandoned, confused, and wondering what happened. (I know I have some responsibility, but don't know what it is.)
Examples:
1) Betty and I grew up together...but were never close. My childhood friend and I were so tight that we really didn't give anyone else the opportunity get close. However, during my college years Betty and I reconnected. I would spend many afternoons and nights hanging out with her. I was an open book and told her pretty much everything. She betrayed me and started to pass on those secrets to others working to ruin every other relationship I had. I have no reason why.
2) Curly is another person I grew up with. Curly and I became close friends. We did a lot together. We even survived the Betty episode, even though things were rough for awhile. Then Curly decided to move on. I see Curly every now and again. But, it is not the same. I don't know why.
3) The Explorer is someone that I met at work. We became super fast friends. We were like sisters. Our friendship lasted for years. I quit work to concentrate on finishing college. Then that close bond and constant communication drifted over the next several years...barely holding on...now we see each other maybe once a year.
4) Beavis was amazing. We taught together. She was Beavis...I was Butthead. We were constantly in trouble at work because of our crazy antics. Beavis is from a different country. However, we had so much in common, even in our childhood. I see her hardly, if ever.
5) Cyrus was my best friend. He was someone that if I was an open book....he read in-between the lines. I believe we were so close that we were codependent. We didn't operate outside the other. That's probably what went drastically wrong. However, he made a promise to me that he would never walk away, like I had felt that my close friends from the past had. He walked away.
This all brings me back to the flag that was thrown up in the air as I was walking down the street, arm in arm, with my new friend. What about me makes me so easy to leave and easy to forget? When will he leave? I agree with him...we have become close fast. I do believe that a person only has a handful of real friends in their lives. We all have many acquaintances, but we have few true friends. Those friends that will not leave you even when things get tough, awkward, or weird are hard to come by. These friends will work through the trials and try harder when it's tough. It just seems I don't have any luck with this.
I am blessed to have met this new friend. I am thankful that God has guided him in my life. He tells me like it is. He encourages and challenges me. I hope that whatever has gone wrong in my previous friendships doesn't happen with him. When he made the statement with the flag waving...it tugged at my heart strings and I said a quick prayer that this friendship will last and continue to grow stronger. I don't want to take this friendship for granted or let it die. I hope I figure out what has happened in my past friendships to not let it happen again, before it's too late.
Addition: I do have two other people that I consider a close friend. However, due to certain circumstances that I would not like to explain on here...they are each completely different types of friendships and fulfill only a particular part of my life leaving huge voids that leave me lonely and isolated much of the time. I love each one of these people dearly and am extremely thankful for the roles they do play in my life. Also, my love...I love you and miss you.
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